Mirror

Did you know I used to flinch when I looked in the mirror?

Some girls would be happy they looked just like their mom.

But for me, I was filled with a sense of dread

I would look into your eyes

And hear your words

Beating like the drums of war

I could see the disappointment through the looking glass

Yes, I saw myself

But I heard you

I began to hate myself.

Not because I hate you

Because I couldn't bear to hear, to feel the anger, the frustration that I saw every single day.

I hate the way I look

Not because I don't think I'm pretty

Because I wish I looked a little more different than you

If I looked a little different, I could smile

I wouldn't have to close my eyes while brushing my teeth

I wouldn't have to avoid pictures

Maybe that says more about me than you

But does it really matter?

I've learned to fear the imagery you represent

The way you dress

The way you talk

The way you write

Everything.

They all tell a different story.

The first time you told me I was useless

The last time you told me you wish I had never been born

The next time you'll tell me I disgust you

You call me disrespectful,

but how does my voice cause disrespect?

You call me a waste of space,

but I didn’t ask to be here, you made that choice

You don’t get to regret it before I do

You say that I’m a liar.

But the biggest lie you ever told me is that you love me.